PREAMBLE
This
International Treaty of Mandatory Affection and Silly Little Guy
Statutes (IT-MASLGS)
is a solemn, irrevocable, and binding contract between you (the "Silly
Little Guy" or "User") and Boykissers.net ("The Council"). By clicking
"I Agree," you admit that the world is too serious and requires more
whimsy.
ARTICLE I: DEFINITIONS 1.1 "The Act" shall be defined as any consensual
expression of affection, including physical osculation or digital
usage of "mwah" and "*kisses u*". 1.2 "The Boy" is a loose metaphysical concept. If
they have the vibe, they are kissable. This includes "fellas," "lads,"
"creatures," and "homies." 1.3 "The Silly Little Guy" is the legal status of The
User, defined by a chaotic neutral alignment and a propensity for
making noises like "mrrp" or "nya" when startled.
ARTICLE II: MANDATORY AFFECTION 2.1 The Quota. Upon execution of this Agreement, the
User agrees to maintain a minimum statutory requirement of kissing
boys. The Council recommends a daily intake of at least three (3)
interactions involving the phrase ":3". 2.2 The Homies. It is hereby mandated that all homies
must be kissed goodnight. Failure to bid the homies goodnight may
result in a temporary suspension of your Good Boy Certification. 2.3 Consent. CRITICAL NOTICE: All kissing must be
enthusiastically consensual. The Council maintains a ZERO TOLERANCE
POLICY for non-consensual cringe.
ARTICLE III: APPAREL & AESTHETICS 3.1 Hosiery. The Council reserves the right to
spontaneously manifest striped thigh-high socks in the User’s drawer.
The User agrees not to question where these came from. 3.2 Soft Sharks. Possession of at least one (1) IKEA
Blåhaj shark plushie is considered Best Practice. If The User does not
own a shark, they must acquire a suitable substitute (e.g., a
Squishmallow or a large, bewildered cat).
ARTICLE IV: CONDUCT 4.1 Emoticon Law. The User agrees to integrate ":3",
"uwu", and ">///<" into their vocabulary. Attempting to discuss tax
brackets or industrial politics without using at least one
crying-laughing emoji is a violation of this Agreement. 4.2 Serious Mode. The User waives any right to remain
"Normal" or "Stoic" while within the jurisdiction of this application.
ARTICLE V: LIABILITY 5.1 Feelings. The Council shall not be held liable
for any side effects including, but not limited to: uncontrollable
blushing, butterflies in the stomach, or checking your phone every 30
seconds. 5.2 Cuteness Aggression. The User indemnifies The
Council against all claims of "being too cute" by third parties. If a
third party claims they "could just eat you up," you are on your own.
ARTICLE VI: TERMINATION
This agreement is perpetual.
"Once a Boykisser, Always a Boykisser." Even if you
leave the server, the spirit of the boykisser remains in your search
history. Termination requires a written request submitted in crayon to
the nearest available femboy.
ARTICLE VII: SEVERABILITY
If any part of this agreement is found to be "too silly" by a court of
law, the remainder of the agreement regarding the kissing of boys
remains in full force and effect.